​There's a version of burnout that doesn't look like burnout. You're still showing up, still performing, still getting things done. From the outside, everything looks fine. But underneath, something doesn't feel right. Decisions start to feel heavier. Your own wants get quieted. And day by day, it can start to feel like life is running you  rather than the other way around.

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If you've ever done what needed to be done, followed the timeline, met the expectations, kept things moving, and somewhere in that felt your own choices getting quieter, this episode is for you. What I want to sit with today is how this happens. How do people slowly hand over their decision making to expectations and timelines?

Now, this might show up for you in a variety of ways. But the things to keep in mind is that it really shows up in the way where things are still functioning and you're still getting things done, so nothing looks wrong externally, but internally something just feels off. And then what you find is that when you're in a position where you need to make a decision, oftentimes, the decision gets based on what needs to get done. You know, timing other other people's urgency, Um, business needs, that sort of thing. So, then, your own wants and needs get quieted and maybe push aside, maybe more of a one day kind of thing. 

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And how, this can continue to show up is that your day-to-day decisions they feel like you're responding, not like you're actually choosing. And so, your decisions start to feel like obligations rather than something that you're choosing to do. It's something that you just have to do, and so in this situation, your sense of agency is slowly eroding.

Decisions are guided by timing and expectations, and not by what you want or what you desire. So, what you want really gets pushed aside so your day-to-day becomes responding, not choosing.

 

So, as an example, maybe within your business that you've grown it to such a point where the business needs more out of you, but you just don't have the time and the space for it at this point anymore, and something needs to change, but because it's growing, and it's doing well that you just continue to put the time into it, because that's what it requires. But we haven't built the boundaries in place to sustain what's true for you at this point in your growth in your business. And so, what people often think when they're experiencing and going through this, they're living it is that they start to rationalize and justify the experience that they're going through, you know, maybe it's, um, I just need to get things done. Uh I have to, this is only temporary, it’s the responsible thing I need to do. Or maybe they look at other people, and they see that other people are seemingly doing it all, so they should have to or be able to do that as well.

 

And so this creates this urgency and this drive to just push through, accept the situation as is, and respond rather than choose, because we're assuming that there's no other options. Okay, because we've developed this pattern of responding to the external, and when we do that repeatedly, it creates- it's easier for us to respond and choose in those moments. And so, then we start to kind of, forget, or lose the awareness that we do have choice- and because it works. Because you keep functioning, there's no signal that something needs to change. And so internally this. This functioning pattern that's responding, reacting to rather than choosing it becomes normalized in how we decide things. We externalize the decision out to the timelines, the expectations. Outsource rather than from what we want, because it becomes easier.

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And so because that's the pattern that we develop nothing signals that anything is wrong, or at least the ability to hear that signal has been quieted. But the thing is, that agency doesn't leave loudly - it erodes quietly, invisibly, while everything is still functioning. That continued functioning is exactly what makes the erosion invisible.

There's no signal, nothing breaks, nothing to fix. Which means there's no moment of recognition. Until there is. And that's where we start to notice that our own wants are being pushed aside repeatedly. Um, and as we go through this, that signal softens, so we're unable to hear our wants when we're living into the patterned decision making.

And because of that, the decisions become automatic and outsourced, and they're guided by responsibilities, past commitments and others. So, as we're going through this, the whole self-trust erodes in the ability to hear yourself diminishes. This whole pattern, it gets strengthened as we continue to do this. And as we continue down this pattern it’s hard to notice the choice exists. So it can turn into the situation where life is running the show. You’re responding to it rather than creating it.

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And so, over time, you're really slowly, just handing over your agency without noticing it. It quietly erodes your energy, motivation, and sense of self. And the sneaky thing about this is that everything is still functioning, still able to show up still getting things done. But it's the feeling that's underneath it. Things are starting to feel heavy. Things are going to feel draining. You're maintaining life, but not creating it - so maybe there's that that energy for life, the joy, um? enthusiasm- some of these things are starting to to erode and kind of dissipate because you're not living through to your own agency anymore because we've been giving away the decision making that we are no longer choosing things that we're not living our life any longer.

 

But in these moments, it's tricky, right? Because we justify, we rationalize, you know, we? We make reasons for why we need to continue down this path and reinforce the pattern of the decision making being to times or timelines. Expectations. Other people's wants, needs, desires, those kind of things. And it continues to perpetuate that the energy engagement decreases and enjoyment fades in the sense of self diminishes. And so this whole pattern reinforces itself and it becomes harder and harder and harder to recognize your own wants. And as we're going through this, this can lead to - not, this could be the precursor to potentially like burning out, and that sort of thing, because we're not filling our cup. It's completely becoming depleted. And so, if you feel any of this, you know, like, like things, kind of feel heavy, but things are fine on the outside, that's for you to recognize and to start to take note of. And so the thing we will sit with for today, is that if everything does appear fine externally but your decisions don't include you, what is actually deciding your life? Are you choosing your life, or are you just responding to it?

 

Now, remember that if this is the scenario, that's okay, nothing is wrong. We're just illuminating a pattern that may have occurred. And so it happens for a lot of people. A lot of people slowly hand over decision making because it's easier. But slowly handing over your decisions can feel invisible until you realize what's missing.So for now. If anything stood out for you, I just want you to stay with it for the week. Remember, there's nothing to fix just to notice and pay attention to. I hope you have a great rest of your day.