Thanks for being here with me today. Today. In today's episode, what we're going to discuss is alignment, and what happens when we are learning to live into alignment and the gap that exists while we're still learning to choose for ourselves. Because there's often times where, I'm sure, maybe you've experienced this where we learned so much more about ourselves.

 

We're trying to integrate it as best we can, and then life acts asks us to respond. And we find ourselves in a situation we don't want to be in where, maybe, we, we're eating a dinner we didn't we didn’t want to have today because we said yes to someone already, and so we're finding that there's inking ruins with the acting in alignment, um, once we actually know what that means for ourselves.

 

So, this episode is really about what happens in the moment when the response is required, because that's where the growth is really going to be happening for all of us. 

 

So, what happens here, right? Is that when we are learning to live in a land with ourselves, what we're actually having to do is break the chains of the condition responses that we've already established within our lives. 

 

Now, when I hear when you hear me say conditioning, um, that's just. It's, it's. It's not a judgmental thing. It's not saying hey, um, you need to change or anything like that. That's just the way to to share that you were already kind of pre-programmed without your own intention behind it so that you understand that, um you may be acting out of something that was like a program that was installed by somebody else and not your own, and so we're conditioned by that.

 

And as we are working towards living in alignment, we need to uncouple. We need to decondition from that, that we've learned from that external sources, maybe family, friends schools, you know, as we're growing up so that we can actually instill the program that works for us, which is that whole overall alignment.

 

And so, because of the early conditioning, what will happen is when you're in the moment of looking to make a decision Um, oftentimes rather than acting in alignment when we're when we're stepping into it there's that friction and the friction really comes into our identity and the identity of who we were before and who we are now.

 

And so there is a disconnect between that when we're starting to really step in, and so in that moment when you're able, or when you're being asked to respond is when we really need to be be focused on making that that choice. So a lot of times what happens throughout life is, as I mentioned, we get conditioned.

 

We get conditioned to respond quickly. We get conditioned to make it easy to comply with other people's beliefs to go with what's easy, and that oftentimes goes against us. But until we can can key into listening to our body and ourselves and understand what that really is, then we can continue to go along that cycle of following other people and what they've told us and what we believe is right for us based on other people.

 

So this is one of the big challenges with alignment is really deconditioning what you've been told and really living into what's proper for you.

 

And so, what’s really happening in the moment is are, when you're being asked to respond, are you able to respond for yourself or are you shifting the authority to somebody else?

 

And sometimes, when we're asked to respond right there, there could be urgency. There could be expectations. There's there's social pressure, and that actually. That impacts how we respond and and who we're being in that moment, right. Because at that point, we're we're looking to maintain the identity that we've we've we've created.

 

Um, when we're looking to live more in alignment, we are gonna have to go through a bit of an identity upgrade, and sometimes when we upgrade, we need to break things down a bit, and so in doing so people are gonna act differently to you, and that is the hardest part for everybody, because I because we've created the life that we've created people, we we, we occupy a certain role in everybody's lives, and when we stop responding in a certain way, and we start doing things differently. We break that mold for somebody else, and they are triggered by it, right? So then, this is where they may try to pull us back and actually inhibit our own growth. And this is where it's challenging for a lot of people.

 

This is what I call the crab in the bucket analogy where, I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of it but any of you if you put a bunch of crabs in a bucket one of them's going to try to climb out all the other crab they're going to pull that one crab back in. And that’s not to mean that that the people in your life don't want you to succeed and and move forward - I'm sure they do, but they just don't know how to properly support you. And that's because you feel a specific role in their life. And so, when you start to change that causes, uh, uncertainty for them, and it's uncomfortable for them. So, as we're growing, and we're we're integrating into the alignment of who we are, we need to be ready for this because there is the discomfort of actually making the decisions for ourselves which can be very discomforting at different times as well. But then there's also the other side of it is, like, how are people actually responding to us, and how are we going to hold that energy when we are in the moment, right?

 

And this is where it comes down to, like our whole nervous system. Our ability to sit with it to be able to process the emotions and to know that any emotion is is valid in the moment. Nothing is good or bad. We just need to process it and be willing and courageous enough to process that so that we can bridge the identity  gap and bridge into the alignment that's true for us, the true for you. That's something that you intentionally want out of life, not what you've been told is right for you in life. 

 

And so, one of the things to kind of keep in mind with this right is we all respond differently, and it's the- when we're in the moment of making the decision, we need to be able to discern how we make our decisions. People decide differently. Some people are able to have that in the moment, knowing, and that's just how they know it's right for them.

 

Some people have an internal bodily feeling, and then I just kind of know that that's right for them. Other people need to kind of feel into it and take a moment to see if it's right for them. Let their let their body kind of feel into the decision. Um, some people need to talk out their decision. And so we're all different along these lines, right?

 

And so we can't assume that one person is going to fit in all these. You have your own way of making decisions, and once you learn what that is, then we then it's the practice of adhering to that and doing it the best you can. And it's all just trial and error, right?

 

Like, as we're going through things we maybe. We start with small decisions. It's maybe something what you want to have for dinner, and so we just kind of play along with that, and we we pay attention to how our body feels in that moment. And how do we respond in that moment.

 

Um, if we do feel anything, quote unquote, uneasy, um, then you know, we let it. We learn from it. We let it, uh, we let it sit and we want to sit with that emotion and process it. And then we can let it go.

 

That’s what it’s all about. And the more that we do this, the more that you show yourself that you’re confident in yourself, you’re you're willing to sit with the discomfort the more that you’re going to show up for yourself, the more that you’re gonna have your own back, the more confident you're going to be to continually to start to make these decisions for yourself. So, it's really a matter of coming of breaking down between um, one. Are you making? Are you responding to someone or an outer authority that's not true to you. And then, having the knowing between that right, because that's the first thing the awareness piece we need to have, is, are we truly making decisions in alignment with who we are. And if we are, okay, great. Then from there, it comes into how are we holding that space for ourselves?

 

How are we responding when it gets to when it gets uncomfortable.When we say no when the other person wants us to say yes, and they're used to us saying yes, and then. And then, how do you respond in that situation? You know, this could be as an example in my life, right?

 

Um. Because I’ve been going through, and I've been really leaning into my own projectorness, right? So, from a human design perspective, I'm a projector. I've been really learning and integrating this over the past six years now, and so I'm starting to get a better feel for it, but it's taking me some time and like, even as an example right now, I know that aside from creating like this podcast for everybody, I'm just in a position where I I need to rest. I'm I'm coming off a big, some big life changes, and my my body was able to to manage it well, but I know that I just need to kind of take a little bit of down time before I move forward right? And so old, me as an example, you know, this past weekend, somebody's asked me if I want to get together and, and, uh play Catan. Board game. Fun little game. And I, I you like, I love playing the game. It's, it's a great time. It helps me bring up some, like competitive edge. And just like the strategy, but anyway?

 

Old me would have been. Yes, absolutely, opportunity. Let's go, let's go do it. New me. I had the I, I got the invitation, and then I let my body lean into and I, and then I kind of thought about it for myself. Talked to talk to myself about it, and when I realized in the moment that you know, I as much would be great to go and be social right now I just need to rest because I knew that if I was gonna go out. It's gonna be a late night it was going to. I wasn't going to sleep as well. It's gonna impact my next day, and there's things I wanted to do the following day. So in that moment I made the decision, hey you know what, the best thing for me right now is actually not to go and play Catan and actually stay home and just rest.

 

Get myself ready for tomorrow or the next day, and then then we can just kind of carry on that way. In, in, in theory, the like, you know, making these decisions is simple, right? But in actual practicality, it can be challenging, especially in the situation where. You know, the older identity, but fortunately for me, it's been.

 

I've been working on this, but you know for a lot of people in that situation, or even my old self like saying, no, would have been a lot of scary thoughts. Oh, like, I'm I'm no longer going to be invited, or they're gonna think things of me or yada, yada, yada, whatever the our brain's gonna tell us, that's a negative situation about that.

 

But it's all untrue, right? They were all understanding. They didn't mind. I was able to carry on with my evening, just have a relaxing evening. They had a good time right into one of the boys next day. He had no- didn't care at all, didn't care in the sense where, like my identity wasn’t shattered. 

 

My relationship with them wasn't shattered nothing like that, right? They just, they responded, they're cool. No big deal we'll carry on without, and so. These are the kind of situations that really help us to live into the the into, alignment with ourselves, and being willing to experience these these different situations and the potential like the feelings and the thoughts that may come with it, right?

 

So the big thing that a lot of people think about alignment - is that they think that it's about feeling good and clear. Um, but really what alignment is about is the ability to choose for yourself when a response is required. That's, that's it. Are you making decisions for yourself, truly, for yourself, or for someone else, and when you can pinpoint that that's that-

 

That's the Crux, right? When you can continue to make the decisions for yourself, you were going to steer your life in alignment for yourself and things are going to naturally evolve in the way they're supposed to for you. With this don’t get me wrong there can be some breakdown. Um like, maybe some friends may fall off or acquaintances or different things, but if that's the case, then they just weren't meant for you because you were occupying a piece of their life that just wasn't meant to be, because that wasn't truly who you are. 

 

So, as we do step into alignment and step into our true self like, there are going to be some things that may happen along the way, but the big thing I want to share with you is that when you have the willingness and the courage to really step in for yourself.

 

To align for yourself. Things naturally start to unfold in a way that life generates more, ease more joy. And you're not second guessing yourself. You're not beating yourself up as much. You're not having all the shame or the guilt or all the different negative feelings you're having because you went to the party when you didn't want to go to the party, or you accept that invitation to go to wherever it is and you didn't want to be there, right? These are the things that are important just because we get imitation doesn't mean we need to be there. We need to go where our energy wants to go, and we need to listen to our energy, and so when we're going through this whole integrating alignment, right?

 

That's what I'm talking about. We can learn about ourselves, understand who we are, but the integration piece is the part that takes time, and this is where maybe you know, at least for me. It took like I, I white knuckled that for a while trying to do it myself.

 

Then, I've I figured I need to get some some assistance, you know, just as a sounding board to make sure I'm doing things the right way. Am I making mistakes, right? Because sometimes the mind's gonna tell you, and we want to make sure that we're not, uh, we're not latching onto that right, because remember, our mind is not built to thrive, our mind is built to survive. So what that means is really our mind is looking for threats to our environment and trying to keep us small and safe. So we need to override that to really thrive in life, and I'll jump into that, probably in another episode as well, too. 

 

But for right now. Um. I think it's just good just to kind of key on the piece that alignment isn't about feeling good, always, always choosing the right decisions. It's, it's really about the ability to choose for yourself when you need to make a decision.

 

And can you hold that internally with yourself? That is the- that is the growth that is the integration piece. Every time we do this we strengthen our decision-making muscles in ourselves, and we get more confident with the process.

 

So, just a few other ways that this might be showing up, right? Maybe you know, as I've been sharing, this could be as simple as saying yes, when you want to say no. Um maybe when you're finding yourself in places or commitments that you didn't want to be in, it could be over-committing yourself to work social obligations, family obligations, that sort of thing as well. And even just like by not feeling good about your response after the fact. If you say yes, and you, you kind of know that you don't feel good about it. These are all signs, right? These are all signs, and that's the one thing that I want to leave you with today, right?

 

When we're picking up on these things, just remember, they are signs, they are clues they are. They're they're helping us to align right. As we're talking about alignment, we want to be really, um. We want to be very attentive to the emotions that we have because our emotions, are signals as well, too.

 

So when you're making decisions. Do you feel okay about the decision? Do you feel bad? Do you feel great? These are things to key into because those are all your body telling you what's right for you. So, I just want to remind you here that if you're, if you're sensing that this is going on nothing has gone wrong. You're just starting to awaken yourself, bring more awareness to how life has steered you in a certain direction, and you are getting back to the driver's seat and you're, and you're gaining control of the wheel right now, that's what it is, that's all 

 

So this is something that we want to test over and over again. Um, as you start to make those decisions more for yourself, they will get easier and easier, and then you're going to start to know what's right for you. So, really, the alignment piece is your ability to choose for yourself when you're asked to respond to life, and how are we doing that, right?

 

So, there's multiple different ways we can do this. Um, you know, looking into your human design is a great way of understanding how you make your your right decisions. What's true for you and that sort of thing?

 

And finally here, as we're close, you know, today. I just want to remind you that when you are tested to to live in a line with yourself and you don't make the choice that's through the alignment Choice quote unquote. Your alignment, your grow that doesn't disappear. Nothing like that is happening.

 

It's just, you're just getting tested on it, right? That's what it is, is each time an opportunity arises it's an opportunity for you to test yourself, your resolve, your willingness to choose for yourself, and that's really what this is all about. It's about you being able to live the life that you want by being courageous enough to live into the life that's right for you by being able to choose what's best for yourself. 

 

If something resonated with you today, great, sit with it. There's nothing you need to do with it right now. Um, if you think that someone else might feel- might be benefited from this, that you know, great, share with them. Otherwise, I just hope you have a great day.